“Holding out the doubt for better days”
A little hard to believe that it has been 100 days since he enlisted into the Marines. Since he moved on from basic training about 2 months ago, there’s no way for me to send him ‘online letters’ (he gets to receive them on MWF every week) or try to spot him in the training photos via the Marines website. On the bright side, I still get to send him letters via snail mail and I’m receiving calls from him almost daily now (yay)! The duration of the call varies from day to day. Sometimes it can be as short as 5 minutes, but other times it can be as long as 30 minutes (still feels waaay too short for me but I’m happy)! Also, on rarer occasions, he gets access to the computer. Knowing that he’ll be able to check his Facebook every once in awhile, I would randomly send him short messages (especially on days whereby I just feel like I am missing him a lot) or simply send him pictures of what I am up to/things that remind me of him. I guess this is just my way of keeping him involved in my life and for me to feel closer to him.
Although I receive calls from him a lot more often nowadays, every single day a part of me still knows that there may be a chance I wouldn’t get to talk to him. It’s a constant waiting game. I never know when or what time he’ll be able to call, so I would always have to make sure that I keep my phone close to me. Missing his calls is probably the last thing I want. It makes me sadder than if he never actually called? I have no idea why. Maybe because it feels like a missed opportunity. On top of that, because he only gets to use the phone at certain times, whenever he calls, I would make sure that I stop everything that I am doing just to make time to talk to him. Yeah, this means even when I am out with my friends/family (sorry! I love y’all for being so understanding!) I’m not going to lie but constantly waiting for his call and getting a call from him at an inconvenient time/place can get pretty tiring.
BUT at the end of the day, it is all still so worth it when I do get to hear about his day, thoughts, feelings and how much he loves/misses me. Hearing his voice always puts a smile on my face. Okay, except for that 2 times we argued. So much regret after we hung up because it felt so much like wasted time. Other than that, pacing around the room with a smile on my face, subconsciously twirling my hair like a little girl in love for the first time is what usually happens when I get to talk to him on the phone.
Throughout my life, one of my biggest pet peeve would be if my SO could not keep to the promises he made. More often than not, I expect a lot from my SO and get pretty unreasonable with my demands as well (lol truth be told). The past 100 days have definitely been filled with many compromises and an immense amount of understanding towards each other. Here’s just a few that off the top of my head:
- There is little to no chance that he’ll be able to keep to his promise (especially since he’s still a low ranker). I’ve learnt that many times, certain things just can’t be help. There’s a lot of things that people who haven’t been through the army cannot understand. So sometimes I simply have to let it pass.
- I also learnt that even though it is so much easier to find faults with whatever that he is not doing right, it’ll help so much more if I focused more on his efforts. Despite the fact that he already has limited time to communicate with the ‘outside world’, he still has to split that time among family, friends and myself. I’m really grateful that he makes the effort to try to call me as much as he can ♥ (even when it’s freezing out and he has to stand in the cold just to talk to me using the payphone).
- It is unlikely that relationships never have any sort of arguments. Arguments can bring people closer if handled correctly. What I regret wasn’t the fact that we argued but me caring more about my pride and allowing the argument to drag on longer than it should have.
May I dare say that things are getting slightly better? I wouldn’t go as far to say that things are easy. I still miss him a hell lot (no kidding!) and I wish all the time that time would pass faster so that we can finally be physically together again. But life still goes on, and I’m really glad things have been going smoother than I initially thought it would have.
P.S Booked a flight to Seoul in end March for his first 5D4N book out. *jumps around*
When he called me in the evening, I was about to get into the car to head home and thus had to hang up. He told me that he’ll call me back half an hour later. I waited and waited AND waited… before he finally called back after 2+ hours. As I mentioned in my previous entry, waiting can get kind of tiring especially if it means having to constantly check your phone so as to ensure that your phone is getting a stable internet connection to receive an incoming call. I know very well that he is entirely not at fault and that there’s nothing he can do about it. The fact that he is making an effort to call means a lot. But sometimes, it’s just hard to come around the annoyance that was built up from waiting. At the end of the day, I’m still glad that I was able to talk to him on the phone and that I didn’t let my annoyance spoil the day. He was also so sweet because even though he had no fault in this, he still kept apologizing :’)
638 Days. 