Day 213 // The Call

He told me last night that he wouldn’t be able to call me today because he was going to have training at night. Truth be told, I wasn’t having a very pleasant day today. I can’t exactly put my finger on as to why I was feeling that way. Maybe it was due to how atrocious the weather has been lately? The hot and humid weather just makes one feel so lethargic. Anyhow, I was already mentally prepared to not receive a call from him, although deep down I badly wished that he would call and I’ll be able to hear his voice for some comfort.

My wish came true !

I was about to start on my workout when my phone’s ringtone went off. It was pretty late (almost before his lights out) when he called. I know that he must have taken the effort, regardless of how tired he was from training all day, just to give me a brief phone call.

I’m so grateful for the effort that he puts in and it’s amazing how one phone call can turn my day around.

Day 213 // The Call

Day 195

I don’t know what came over me last night but I cried (after a very very long time) because I miss him so much. I just wish I had him with me to rely on. I need my happy pill.

It’s Sunday today. On the weekends, the ROKMC soldiers are usually allowed to do their own activities (i.e. no trainings whatsoever). However, as there is an inspection that is going to take place this coming week, they had to make use of today to prepare for it. The same thing happened 2 weeks ago. I always look forward to the weekends because it means that I get a to talk to him longer on the phone. Unfortunately, because of the inspection, today was treated just like any other weekday :/ When he called me in the evening, I was about to get into the car to head home and thus had to hang up. He told me that he’ll call me back half an hour later. I waited and waited AND waited… before he finally called back after 2+ hours. As I mentioned in my previous entry, waiting can get kind of tiring especially if it means having to constantly check your phone so as to ensure that your phone is getting a stable internet connection to receive an incoming call. I know very well that he is entirely not at fault and that there’s nothing he can do about it. The fact that he is making an effort to call means a lot. But sometimes, it’s just hard to come around the annoyance that was built up from waiting. At the end of the day, I’m still glad that I was able to talk to him on the phone and that I didn’t let my annoyance spoil the day. He was also so sweet because even though he had no fault in this, he still kept apologizing :’)

Day 195

Day 193

Writing this while cooling down after finishing the BBG Week 1 Day 2 workout. It’s been ages since I last worked out. Ever since I started working, life has been pretty routine. I wake up, go to work, come home, have dinner, use my computer/read and then sleep. I know it’s just an excuse but I’m usually just so exhausted from work that I refuse to get my ass to do any workout. I guess that resulted in me gaining some weight, which eventually affected my self-esteem (to a certain extent). I expressed this worry of mine over the phone to him and what he said really struck me. He told me that there’s no use complaining/whining over it when I’m not going to do anything about it. I really hope this drive in me lasts till the end of the 12 weeks long workout program. By that time, it’ll probably not be long before I get to meet him in person again 🙂 So… here’s to a fitter looking me?

On another note, I realized I didn’t even write about my trip to Korea for his 첫휴가 (first leave out of camp) in end March. It took me a month to craft the explosion box that I gifted to him to commemorate our 900 days of being in a relationship, which coincidentally happened to be on one of the days that I was in Korea. When I finished the explosion box, I thought that I outdid myself and that he’ll be so touched (hahahahha). I’ve never put in so much effort into crafting something for anyone before. I stand so corrected. I wasn’t expecting anything from him because I mean…he’s stuck in camp. But he really surprised me. He gave me a journal that he wrote in every day for one entire month.  I’m an extremely sentimental person and such gift beats anything hands down. Plus he made the effort to draw cute little comics of his daily life or things that reminded him of me. It was such a cute + sweet + thoughtful gift ❤ I really love it!

The entire trip to Korea felt so surreal. After I came back to Singapore, the trip felt just like a dream and we were back to the reality of being away from each other with limited means of communication. It was so hard for me to say goodbye to him. No matter how many times we’ve parted ways with each other, it never gets easier. I honestly long for the day where we never have to say goodbye to each other again. It’s been slightly more than a month since I’ve came back to Singapore. I still miss him so much every single day and it sucks to know that the next time I can be with him again will only be in September 😦 It seems like forever away. I’m a pretty needy person and truth be told, sometimes I get overwhelmed by the fear of not having someone by my side for so long. Yes it’s true that I am blessed with friends and family that fill my life up with so much love, but the thought of having to wait still scares me sometimes. It’s just a fleeting moment of fear before I come to realize (time and time again) that at the end of the day, it will all be worth it.



Day 193

Love is a choice, not a feeling

  1. Love is a choice
    Love isn’t a feeling but a conscious choice, a deliberate act of will. We don’t love someone by simply having or developing a warm, mushy sentimental feeling for him; we are to love the person by making a decision to care for him and to look out for his best interest. We choose to love—it’s a deliberate commitment and resolve that involves action, effort and sometimes, sacrifice.
  2. Love is action
    We’ve all heard dozens of sermons on the famous passage on love in 1 Corinthians 13. It’s often preached at weddings, which ironically, tend to focus on the sentimental, lovey-dovey aspect of the union. Ever notice that the description of love is all about what it is and what it does? (Quick recap: Love is patient/kind, and is not proud/self-seeking/easily angered. It rejoices with truth/protects/trusts/hopes/perseveres, and does not envy/boast/dishonor/keep record of wrongs/delight in evil.) Not a single word about what love feels.
  3. Love keeps a relationship going no matter what
    When we make a deliberate decision to love, our relationships will take on a new meaning and strength. Why? Because these relationships will no longer depend on how we feel about the other person, or what the other person says or does. They will not be destroyed by anger, resentment, or wrongdoing. They will not be conditional.The most powerful relationships are driven by love coming from a conscious, deliberate choice. Remember the parable of the father whose scoundrel son squandered his share of the inheritance? When the prodigal son returned, the loving father was all ready to receive him, because his lasting love saw past his son’s mistakes (Luke 15:11-32). It didn’t depend on what the son had said or done. Will our romantic relationships be powered by the same love? Of course, we usually start off with the warm, fuzzy feelings of romance which lead to marriage. Will these emotions be eventually based on a stronger commitment to keep on loving even when cracks and character flaws start to appear? Will this conscious decision to love be able to take a marriage through the worst crises?
  4. Love will eventually feel
    We are not expected to love with our own strength—in fact, the love described in 1 Corinthians 13 is impossible to achieve without a new heart that only God can give.

    (Source: Why love isn’t a feeling )

Love is a choice, not a feeling

Day 105 // 2,895 Miles Away

“When I say, “I love you,” it’s not because I want you or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are.” 

Bad days or good days, it’s amazing how he never fails to put a smile on my face even though he is 2,895 miles away with a short phone call as his only means of communicating with me. We’ve been dating for almost 28 months now, but he still gives me butterflies in my tummy whenever he calls. I am so grateful and blessed to be able to have someone as amazing as he is by my side.

I’d be a fool to let this go to waste.

Day 105 // 2,895 Miles Away

Day 100

“Holding out the doubt for better days”

A little hard to believe that it has been 100 days since he enlisted into the Marines. Since he moved on from basic training about 2 months ago, there’s no way for me to send him ‘online letters’ (he gets to receive them on MWF every week) or try to spot him in the training photos via the Marines website. On the bright side, I still get to send him letters via snail mail and I’m receiving calls from him almost daily now (yay)! The duration of the call varies from day to day. Sometimes it can be as short as 5 minutes, but other times it can be as long as 30 minutes (still feels waaay too short for me but I’m happy)! Also, on rarer occasions, he gets access to the computer. Knowing that he’ll be able to check his Facebook every once in awhile, I would randomly send him short messages (especially on days whereby I just feel like I am missing him a lot) or simply send him pictures of what I am up to/things that remind me of him. I guess this is just my way of keeping him involved in my life and for me to feel closer to him.

Although I receive calls from him a lot more often nowadays, every single day a part of me still knows that there may be a chance I wouldn’t get to talk to him. It’s a constant waiting game. I never know when or what time he’ll be able to call, so I would always have to make sure that I keep my phone close to me. Missing his calls is probably the last thing I want. It makes me sadder than if he never actually called? I have no idea why. Maybe because it feels like a missed opportunity. On top of that, because he only gets to use the phone at certain times, whenever he calls, I would make sure that I stop everything that I am doing just to make time to talk to him. Yeah, this means even when I am out with my friends/family (sorry! I love y’all for being so understanding!) I’m not going to lie but constantly waiting for his call and getting a call from him at an inconvenient time/place can get pretty tiring.

BUT at the end of the day, it is all still so worth it when I do get to hear about his day, thoughts, feelings and how much he loves/misses me. Hearing his voice always puts a smile on my face. Okay, except for that 2 times we argued. So much regret after we hung up because it felt so much like wasted time. Other than that, pacing around the room with a smile on my face, subconsciously twirling my hair like a little girl in love for the first time is what usually happens when I get to talk to him on the phone.

Throughout my life, one of my biggest pet peeve would be if my SO could not keep to the promises he made. More often than not, I expect a lot from my SO and get pretty unreasonable with my demands as well (lol truth be told). The past 100 days have definitely been filled with many compromises and an immense amount of understanding towards each other. Here’s just a few that off the top of my head:

  • There is little to no chance that he’ll be able to keep to his promise (especially since he’s still a low ranker). I’ve learnt that many times, certain things just can’t be help. There’s a lot of things that people who haven’t been through the army cannot understand. So sometimes I simply have to let it pass.
  • I also learnt that even though it is so much easier to find faults with whatever that he is not doing right, it’ll help so much more if I focused more on his efforts. Despite the fact that he already has limited time to communicate with the ‘outside world’, he still has to split that time among family, friends and myself. I’m really grateful that he makes the effort to try to call me as much as he can ♥ (even when it’s freezing out and he has to stand in the cold just to talk to me using the payphone).
  • It is unlikely that relationships never have any sort of arguments. Arguments can bring people closer if handled correctly. What I regret wasn’t the fact that we argued but me caring more about my pride and allowing the argument to drag on longer than it should have.

May I dare say that things are getting slightly better? I wouldn’t go as far to say that things are easy. I still miss him a hell lot (no kidding!) and I wish all the time that time would pass faster so that we can finally be physically together again. But life still goes on, and I’m really glad things have been going smoother than I initially thought it would have.


P.S Booked a flight to Seoul in end March for his first 5D4N book out. *jumps around*

Day 100