Day 105 // 2,895 Miles Away

“When I say, “I love you,” it’s not because I want you or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are.” 

Bad days or good days, it’s amazing how he never fails to put a smile on my face even though he is 2,895 miles away with a short phone call as his only means of communicating with me. We’ve been dating for almost 28 months now, but he still gives me butterflies in my tummy whenever he calls. I am so grateful and blessed to be able to have someone as amazing as he is by my side.

I’d be a fool to let this go to waste.

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Day 105 // 2,895 Miles Away

Day 100

“Holding out the doubt for better days”

A little hard to believe that it has been 100 days since he enlisted into the Marines. Since he moved on from basic training about 2 months ago, there’s no way for me to send him ‘online letters’ (he gets to receive them on MWF every week) or try to spot him in the training photos via the Marines website. On the bright side, I still get to send him letters via snail mail and I’m receiving calls from him almost daily now (yay)! The duration of the call varies from day to day. Sometimes it can be as short as 5 minutes, but other times it can be as long as 30 minutes (still feels waaay too short for me but I’m happy)! Also, on rarer occasions, he gets access to the computer. Knowing that he’ll be able to check his Facebook every once in awhile, I would randomly send him short messages (especially on days whereby I just feel like I am missing him a lot) or simply send him pictures of what I am up to/things that remind me of him. I guess this is just my way of keeping him involved in my life and for me to feel closer to him.

Although I receive calls from him a lot more often nowadays, every single day a part of me still knows that there may be a chance I wouldn’t get to talk to him. It’s a constant waiting game. I never know when or what time he’ll be able to call, so I would always have to make sure that I keep my phone close to me. Missing his calls is probably the last thing I want. It makes me sadder than if he never actually called? I have no idea why. Maybe because it feels like a missed opportunity. On top of that, because he only gets to use the phone at certain times, whenever he calls, I would make sure that I stop everything that I am doing just to make time to talk to him. Yeah, this means even when I am out with my friends/family (sorry! I love y’all for being so understanding!) I’m not going to lie but constantly waiting for his call and getting a call from him at an inconvenient time/place can get pretty tiring.

BUT at the end of the day, it is all still so worth it when I do get to hear about his day, thoughts, feelings and how much he loves/misses me. Hearing his voice always puts a smile on my face. Okay, except for that 2 times we argued. So much regret after we hung up because it felt so much like wasted time. Other than that, pacing around the room with a smile on my face, subconsciously twirling my hair like a little girl in love for the first time is what usually happens when I get to talk to him on the phone.

Throughout my life, one of my biggest pet peeve would be if my SO could not keep to the promises he made. More often than not, I expect a lot from my SO and get pretty unreasonable with my demands as well (lol truth be told). The past 100 days have definitely been filled with many compromises and an immense amount of understanding towards each other. Here’s just a few that off the top of my head:

  • There is little to no chance that he’ll be able to keep to his promise (especially since he’s still a low ranker). I’ve learnt that many times, certain things just can’t be help. There’s a lot of things that people who haven’t been through the army cannot understand. So sometimes I simply have to let it pass.
  • I also learnt that even though it is so much easier to find faults with whatever that he is not doing right, it’ll help so much more if I focused more on his efforts. Despite the fact that he already has limited time to communicate with the ‘outside world’, he still has to split that time among family, friends and myself. I’m really grateful that he makes the effort to try to call me as much as he can ♥ (even when it’s freezing out and he has to stand in the cold just to talk to me using the payphone).
  • It is unlikely that relationships never have any sort of arguments. Arguments can bring people closer if handled correctly. What I regret wasn’t the fact that we argued but me caring more about my pride and allowing the argument to drag on longer than it should have.

May I dare say that things are getting slightly better? I wouldn’t go as far to say that things are easy. I still miss him a hell lot (no kidding!) and I wish all the time that time would pass faster so that we can finally be physically together again. But life still goes on, and I’m really glad things have been going smoother than I initially thought it would have.

 

P.S Booked a flight to Seoul in end March for his first 5D4N book out. *jumps around*

Day 100

Day 7

It’s day 7. One week has finally passed. I can’t even put into words how long this week felt (even when I tried to occupy myself with distractions as much as possible). Only 3 more days before his mailing address comes on, and before I can finally send him letters. Over the weekend, I also went out to get some scrapbooking materials so that I can start on crafting letters to him. I’m excited to at least be able to let him know that I am always here rooting for him. At this point in time, I now understand what it means when people say “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. I appreciate him so much more now and I feel like my love for him has only grown stronger (sorry too much cheese !)

It’s probably no surprise that I still miss him a lot, and at some point during the day, this yearning hits a lot harder than other times. Whenever that happens, I try to think about how he would want me to feel. He’s always someone who looks out for me and truly wants me to be happy. So happy I shall be. His videos/voice notes/pictures are still what gets me through the day.

Day 7